Today’s daily writing prompt made me recoil.

What sacrifices have you made in life?

A Parent’s Sacrifice

When I think of sacrifice, my mind shifts to parenthood. Parents are supposed to make sacrifices, right? I don’t think it’s fair for a parent to dwell on the sacrifices made for a child. The tree doesn’t think of its apples as a sacrifice, nor its weakened limbs as they fall in a storm. It sheds, It gives.

My next thought goes to the childhood I sacrificed so that my mother could go to medical school. I sacrificed one-on-one attention from her in my hospital bed during chemotherapy as a kindergartener so that she could study for her undergrad classes. I sacrificed having a father so that he could abandon his failures, adopt another child, and be the hero in someone else’s story.

Those sacrifices were hoisted upon me. I had no agency over those experiences and I don’t want to write an essay about that stuff. I’ll save that for the book.

Sacrifice: Words are Important

I don’t like the idea of speaking of “sacrifice” outside of discussion about religious ceremonies. Sacrifice is a means of keeping score, proving to another person, entity, or group that you’ve paid your dues. To say a woman “sacrificed her career” for her child is an unfair burden to place upon someone who encompasses innocence. Why hoist guilt upon one whose existence wasn’t their choice to make? If someone “sacrifices fun” to study for exams, who’s to say that the social event they would have attended would have offered a great time? Is fun not to be had elsewhere at a later time?

A person is not entitled to all experiences in life, so when a choice is made to participate in one act rather than another, there is no altar to ceremoniously slaughter that experience.

I don’t believe in sacrifice, I believe in choices. I believe in prioritizing. I believe in pruning.

Sacrifice or Pruning?

When you prune a plant, you cut back wilt, dead ends, what has fallen out of shape with your desired outcome. Such is life.

If you’re growing grapes, you must pinch off a few good grapes if you desire the vines to produce great grapes. There will be fruits that haven’t grown as planned, weak ones, and perfectly good ones that must be removed. The vine is feeding nutrients to all of the fruit, and it has limited resources. The sun can only hit so many grapes. If you let them go, all of the berries will be weak. If you prune, you’ll have less grapes, but they will be large, round, and burst in your mouth with sweetness.

Such is life!

What is pruned need not be massacred. Rather, the spoils may be placed in the soil beneath. It will turn to compost and enrich the ongoing plant.

Such is life!

Sacrifice or Compost?

The avenues you started upon but turn from add to the richness you can offer the endeavor that follows. Your experience, and thus, your perspective, are multifaceted, robust.

You need not leave anything fully behind you. A sacrificial lamb is gone forever—its mother mourns, the village cannot feast upon its spoils. You get to keep all of the lessons you’ve learned along the way and use them as you see fit.

Sacrifice or Gift?

When people speak of sacrifices, they’re highlighting the negative aspect of a gift. “I sacrificed my career for my child” makes me wince—why not say, “I wanted to give my time to my child, and my career no longer was my priority?”

Parenting is a gift you give your children and yourself.

Language is Important

The words you say can change how you view the world. It’s important to consider their meaning, because they impact us in insidious ways.

Think not of the sacrifice. Think of the pruning, the compost, the gift.