What is your mission?

My mission is to increase connectedness.

Soon I’ll talk strategy. In this post, I’ll let you know why I think it is crucial to the greatest epidemic we’re likely see in our lifetime.

That epidemic is the loneliness epidemic. The benefits to connectedness is not limited to interpersonal connection, but let’s start there.

Interpersonal Connection

The structure of modern society isn’t conducive to being known. Our culture encourages people to engage with people virtually and ignore the person beside them. We are living in a time in which the majority of human interaction is based on commerce: people converse within a transaction or they find themselves only able to make friends through work. Work environments have unique social mores that make deep, authentic connection complicated, and at times, impossible.

@ciaoamberc

#america #culture #family #friends #parenting #society

♬ original sound – Ciao AmberC

Both of us have to put effort into [a relationship] or it’s not going to work. And our culture isn’t based on effort. Our culture is based on prizes and getting through the day so that you can get out of debt tomorrow.

Seth Godin

People are reluctant to make effort in relationships.

Many are stuck in a cycle:

1. You feel lonely
2. You look to social media.
3. Through an algorithm (orchestrated for profit), an individual on social media will validate your worldview, make you laugh, impress you, teach you, or say something relatable.
4. That “relatable” feeling sends an electric signal to the brain that increases oxytocin. You feel closer to the person, your phone, or TikTok. Your brain wasn’t evolved to interact with this technology, so it doesn’t know the difference.
5. That person doesn’t know you, but you feel closer to them. This creates a parasocial relationship. You remain alone, scrolling through your phone.
6. The amount of cerebral stimulation that occurs when your eyes are rapidly shifting back and forth, processing information quickly while switching between multiple topics and the accompanying emotions that occur, eventually makes you tired enough to put the phone down.
7. You still have not had a connection with another human being. You did not call your friend from high school, but you did like a funny picture of their dog. She remains lonely, with her funny dog. You remain alone, and now you are too overstimulated to be social.
8. Though you are alone, you did get those brain signals that were almost like being loved. You wanted prime rib and you munched on kibble. You didn’t get prime rib, but you got some perversion that gave you a semblance of what you yearn for.
9. Tomorrow, after work, tired from the abuse of corporate America, and alone…what will you do?

Connection to our Surroundings

We are not floating around in a dark abyss. We are surrounded by items, silent body language from other people, temperatures and sensory experiences in and outside of the body that directly affect our mood and behaviors without us being aware.

To achieve our primary goal of survival and resistance to being hunted, we evolved the ability to filter out sensory information that was familiar. Our vision didn’t require us to see every fur upon the backs of a herd of antelope. Our vision requires us to see the one animal lurking slowly behind the antelope, preparing to pounce. Our brains are honed for spot the difference–taking in all information at all times would be overwhelming and would make it harder to see threats when they appear.

That ability to filter out sameness provides us the illusion that what is near us doesn’t affect us. We can become accustomed to the smell of cigarettes, but their familiarity increases their harm, rather than decreases. The same goes for many items that surround us daily and why the act of holding an item to see if it sparks joy was transformational for a wide audience.

Connection to Nature

Nature is not something you visit. You are nature. People can control a lot of things in the Anthropocene. We cannot control how electrical impulses, microorganisms, hormones, and a laundry list of other factors collaborate to create what we view as an individual, unique self. We can increase our database of knowledge to move things in a different direction, yet we are limited. We are nature.

Scientifically speaking, we are made of stardust. As are the trees, as are the rocks. All around you are your very distant ancestors. Why not treat them with respect?

Whether or not you admit to this connectedness, the way that we have interacted with this planet is interacting with us in ways that are causing exponential harm. When we reconnect with nature, we can quiet the hum of overstimulation in a commerce-driven society and listen to what matters.

Connection to the Self

You are who you hang out with. You are what you repeatedly do. The experiences you’ve had, the lessons you’ve learned, and the books you’ve enjoyed live inside you. You are your genetic makeup and the evolutionary tweaks that were made based on your ancestor’s experiences. Where you grew up is a part of you. Where you live now, where you went to school, what you do for fun, where you work, and your familial roles are also part of you. Your likes, dislikes and opinions contribute to who you are.

You are not defined by your opinions. Your bumper stickers, plastic yard signs and social media posts are external symbols that encourage others to pass judgement on you based on a singular facet. This dims the sense of commonality that is essential to community growth and encourages tribalism: “This is my truth. If they don’t side with me on this, they are not like me.”

“Our social identities push us unthinkingly to see people like us–what psychologists call our in-group–as more virtuous and intelligent, while those who are different–the out-group–as suspiscious, unethical, and possibly threatening.”

Charles Duhigg, Supercommunicators, p. 174, 175

The more we know ourselves as multifaced individuals made up of many parts, the more opportunities for connection with others.

Interconnected

We are segments of a whole that we are unable to fully comprehend. We may not be able to understand it, but we can work together to make it better.