What’s the first impression you want to give people?

Splenda the Good Witch from the South.

And it has nothing to do with the outfit I wore today.

There’s a trick that successful athletes, musicians, writers and artists have been using for centuries to overcome obstacles in pursuit of their goals. Whether it’s Beyoncé overcoming her stage fright as Sasha Fierce, Eminem separating himself from mental illness with Slim Shady, or Michael Jordan exploring baseball as Johnny Kilroy, there’s a reason many of the GOATs use a more intense version of a psychological tool called “self-distancing.”

self-distancing, alter ego, building a persona

An alter ego may seem like something reserved for a celebrity–someone larger than life or who thinks of themselves that way. The kind of person who would talk about themselves in third person.

Self-distancing as a self-regulatory tool is shown to reduce anxiety and rumination, reconstruct an experience, build confidence, increase determination and cope with stressful visions of the future.

To create an alter ego is to give a name and defining characteristics to the character needed for a role that you feel unqualified for. When you create a separate character from your identity, you’re practicing a means of detachment from the feelings that the situation inspires.

Stage fright? You’re not up there, a different version of you is. Whatever happens to that other you won’t change your perception of yourself.

You might think you’re a creative, not a business person. But you can put on your glasses, sit in front of your laptop and channel the person who would.

is this “fake?”

I see crafting an image as another tool for living intentionally and achieving goals. Because something is thoughtful or practiced does not make it any less authentic. Lebron James had to practice putting a ball into a hoop many times before he achieved greatness, and no one accused him of not being true to how he was brought into the world. Why would it be any different for how someone who chooses how to present themselves?

“I pretended to be somebody I could I wanted to be until, finally, I became that person. Or he became me. Or we met at some point along the way.”

Cary Grant

when my interest in alter egos began

Inspired by Cara Delevigne’s (now burned down) carnivalcore mansion, I sifted through other celebrity home tour videos until a star’s home sent me down a whole new rabbit hole: Dita Von Teese.

Von Teese is known for bringing burlesque back to mainstream. She shot to superstardom in the early 2000’s when she was linked and briefly married to Marilyn Manson, but she’s no starf—er. She’s a businesswoman who capitalized on her proximity to rockstars by growing an empire of products, perfumes, and a residency in Vegas. She even taught T.Swift herself how to perform her art form.

Her home is inspired, full of antique finds and customized creations she had her hands in designing. Mannerisms in the video seemed practiced, yet poised and natural. I wanted to learn more. So I, of course, bought the book.

Your Beauty Mark on crafting an image

“These individuals each had the courage and determination to cultivate the eccentric beauty within them, to hone it as an artform and turn it into a career and a lifestyle. They have manifested who they truly manifested who they truly imagined themselves to be. And there is nothing fake about that.”

Rose Apodcia, On Holly Go Lightly, Dita, RuPaul and others in Your Beauty Mark by Dita Von Teese

“Every new day offer[s] another opportunity to re-craft [your]self into the individual [you] wake up imagining yourself to be.”

Dita Von Teese

So…where does Splenda come in?

Early this year I was GOING THROUGH IT. In a big way. I was writing what to do during chaotic times and burnout cures when I was using them and needing them most. I wasn’t painting. My chronic pain was out of control, my teen was making choices that were concerning, and I still felt uncomfortable in my own skin after the hurt and rejection of dealing with a manipulative woman getting in the way of my goals. 🙂

I listen to Bad Bitch Radio to pump myself up before the gym, but I started listening to it all the time. I needed a hype team and I was getting that through listening to Megan thee Stallion, Beyonce, Fat Nwigwe–connecting to my Houston roots. I was trimming the fat, taking care of myself, and figuring out what is authentic to me.

What is authentic to me is being personable. Making small talk with strangers, seeking connections with anyone and everyone. When I moved to Fairfield, I felt myself shrink. I didn’t feel like I belonged so I hid that southern friendliness. As I healed, I didn’t want to suppress my warmth because other people here aren’t like that. I didn’t want to be afraid of people’s responses. I didn’t want to suppress myself at all.

I wanted to be saccharine, like Splenda.

I wanted to be fit and beautiful, a baddie. “Good witch” is a play on “bad bitch.”

I was okay with standing up for myself, even if my inner city side came out. I didn’t need to be proper, I could still be the witch as called for, with a dash of sugar.

And I’d do all those things because I am from the South. I wasn’t going to keep mufflin’ my y’all or trying to articulate my words more in fear that others would deem me uneducated. I’m not insecure about my intelligence, and others misperceptions aren’t my problem.

first impressions now

I don’t think about that anymore. Alter egos often fade into the person who uses them as a tool. I’m spending more time in my studio painting and developing my business, less time out and about, and even when I’m out I’m thinking about my art and my business. I think people notice the way I create my outfits, often in monochrome. I’m warm and bubbly and I embrace accessories that are child-like. I lean into my small stature and the art of being whimsy, and I think I exude an aura of art and I have an infectious energy.