Around ten a.m. Monday morning near the self checkout at Home Depot, I was face to face, breaths intermingling, with an unprovoked woman no taller than four foot ten inches tall shouting that she was “going to beat [my] fucking ass if [she] see[s] me again,” as no less than thirty customers and employees looked on.Continue reading
The last time I started a post was 360 days ago, on “COVID-19 Pandemic, Day 154.” My friend had just died.
It was covid related, but not covid. He wasn’t rushed to the hospital with shortness of breath, no invasive intubation, no taking his last breaths through a machine, surrounded by healthcare workers made unrecognizable by PPE.
It sounds hokey, I know. I was curious when I first saw posters for 40 Days at my yoga studio. Personal Revolution, really? It’s pretty ballsy to say you’ve got a program that’ll single-handedly change the lives of those who take part. The flyer seemed so vague–forty days of WHAT will lead me to this?
During the first meeting, I learned what we’d be doing. There’s a book that was authored by the creator of Baptiste Yoga and each week we had assigned readings from the book that included directives on how we will be eating, meditating and practicing yoga for the following week. At the end of each reading, there are questions to answer about yourself and the way you’re experiencing the world, to dig deep at what is blocking you from living the life you want to be leading.
Along with the book, we were required to do yoga six times a week (five of which had to be at the studio, one could be at home), meditate morning and night for an increasing amount of time and attend a meeting once a week at the studio that focused on what was showing up for us through the process. At Big Yoga, we’re very much into community, so there were a few other things thrown in there so we’d get to know each other, but that’s the bulk of the plan.
This was my second time doing the program. The first time opened up a lot of stuff for me, and I was intrigued by these people who have essentially read the same book again and again and felt the need to participate again. I was curious as to what could lie ahead.
Here’s what happened:
I stopped worrying about pleasing other people and became aware of the subtle hints I was dropping to myself and the people around me about what I really wanted. I committed to changing. I decided to leave my job and we mutually parted ways. I allowed myself to be vulnerable, and opened up really deep feelings to a whole room of people I didn’t know and also to my closer friends. I opened up in general. I blossomed and became visually happier to those around me. I celebrated my accomplishments and accepted applause. I took breaks from vices that once controlled me, and continued with changed attitudes toward those things. I connected more deeply with every person in my life.
I became a stay-at-home mom and am completely fulfilled by it. After years of trying to prove myself, I’m convinced that I am enough. I became organized, cleaned my house, and have stayed up-to-date day-to-day with my calendar. I got things done that I had been putting off. I became calmer and more patient in my responses, which led me to be a better mother, wife, daughter, friend, granddaughter, and co-parent. I felt more warmth toward everyone around me. I began volunteering regularly to serve my community. I hugged my dad like an old friend, for the first time in my life.
Oh yeah, and I got better at yoga.