tiny kelsie

Yeesh. Things lately have been wild with my family life. We are growing together and challenges are strengthening our bonds, but damn.

During the autumn, I was going through it, in my own head, and mourning the loss of what I expected life to look like at the time. I was hurt about what transpired at my old gym, coping with my youngest child beginning kindergarten, and steadying myself as I explored being intentional during this new stage in life. It was one of those phases where everything felt really chaotic even though things were just different. There were a lot of changes at once, and I was having a hard time adjusting before another rolled around.

Major life changes are exhausting because your brain has fewer opportunities to switch into autopilot like you do when you’re doing something out of habit. It feels like nothing is in your control like it once was, and you can wonder when you’ll ever settle into a new normal. When you change much of what you do on a daily basis, you’re also changing your identity because we are what we repeatedly do.

That’s a lot. At that time, the change felt very chaotic. At some point, I decided I needed to stop feeling frustrated about my unmet expectations and all that was changing at once and start honoring the change. Much like one would put out an altar in dedication to someone, I created a playlist to praise the ongoing change, to settle in to the muck of the uncertainty, and to welcome the gifts of possibility my identity crisis would bring.

Then, in December, I had a real crisis. Things got harder and chaos and lack of control have been my new normal ever since, if we’re being honest.

Strangely enough, aside from self care being lower than my average I do think I’m thriving despite the chaos. I know I’m making great choices for my children with each pivot. I know that parenting is extra hard because I’m paying attention and because I’m averting future crises. I’m doing the work and everything that’s worth it is hard work.

I’m glad I already had the playlist queued up before things got really tough. Instead of lamenting the struggle, I can hear these melodies that I’ve transformed into mantras and honor the journey, realize that change is inevitable, and acknowledge that change is requisite to achieve greatness.

Playlist to Honor Change

Spotify playlist of songs about change

Things to Remember Amidst Change

Friends

Check in with friends often. Everything is harder on your own. People care about you and want to be there for you in tough times, but they can’t when you shut them out. I’ve noticed that my default is to hide and go into task completion mode, but by the time I realize I need to lean on someone, it’s too late & I’m already fully burned out.

Routines

Keep as many of your routines in tact as possible, this will give your mind a rest and ground you for brief moments in time. When you’re doing old habits, you feel safe and secure that you can rely on consistency somewhere and you have agency, or control, over something.

Opportunity

It’s helpful to remember that crisis is the best time to implement lofty adjustments to your habits and reset yourself in relation to your goals.

“You never want a serious crisis to go to waste”

Rahm Emanuel

Fresh Starts

When people tell you to eat healthy, exercise, get enough rest and do all the other magical tasks that make hard times more bearable, you may see those as more tasks on your to-do list. If you’re amidst an identity crisis, major life change, or general chaos, who has time for that?

It’s helpful to remember that there are many opportunities to start afresh. If you ate leftover buffalo wings for breakfast, the day isn’t a wash. You can still fuel yourself better at lunch. If a hectic set of appointments will interrupt your regularly scheduled morning gym class, you can still find ways to move your body in the afternoon.

Grace

Reminding yourself that you can try better next meal, next hour, or next wake up is a form of giving yourself grace. When things are tough, the most important thing to remember is to be kind to yourself. You’re learning something new. Would you criticize a kindergartener for not being able to read Harry Potter? No! Because they’re still in the beginning stages of reading, figuring things out at their own pace. When a child is learning something new, you’re patient and encouraging. Gift yourself that same level of love and care. Because you deserve it.