The last time I started a post was 360 days ago, on “COVID-19 Pandemic, Day 154.” My friend had just died.
It was covid related, but not covid. He wasn’t rushed to the hospital with shortness of breath, no invasive intubation, no taking his last breaths through a machine, surrounded by healthcare workers made unrecognizable by PPE.
My youngest son is over seven months old! There’s so much that I haven’t shared. There was a time when I felt really free to be open, frank, and vulnerable when blogging. Then I let the anxiety that I experienced upon moving get to me. I let social media get to me. I underestimated the identity crisis I would have once I was separated from what was always home.
I got out of the habit of blogging because I started getting paid work to blog for someone else’s business. I was journaling every morning a la The Artist’s Way in a paper journal. I was sharing my photographs, creative pursuits, and travel through social media. It felt like I was sharing enough, even if it was on someone else’s platform. The paper journaling has served me well; I’m able to gather my thoughts without fear of judgement, organize my future, and look back on my past.
But what blogging does for me is a little different. While I can have a train-of-thought writing experience in private on paper, blogging organizes those thoughts. I’m then able to share those thoughts with others, with the potential to add some value, be it small, to their lives.
I hate how much time I’ve spent doubting myself, talking down to myself and waiting for peer approval to give myself the freedom to share. Every year, I talk about sharing more. It was my goal in 2018, and I fell short.
I’m seven months in to being a mom of two. I wholly underestimated how having two children would knock me off my feet after being a mother for a decade. I really did. As only children, both of my boys would be a breeze. But that’s not the case.
In the chaos of taking care of my children, my marriage, my home, my dog (honestly, he’s mostly forgotten) I have had the hardest time taking care of myself in a way that doesn’t ask too much of my husband, who is having his own hard time with self care. Sometimes self care still feels like work. Exercise feels good, but I need to do it because I need to get healthy. Cleaning feels good but I need to do it or my mental health will suffer. Getting out and meeting with other moms feels awesome, but I need to do it for my infant’s social development. Taking care of myself starts to feel like another obligation, another task to take care of.
Maybe what I really need is to come back to this space, right here. To organize my thoughts. To share. To use my itty bitty platform to shout out into the abyss, “THIS!” to wait, and listen, for over the pond, across the mountains, to hear s little voice in the distance say, “SAME!” Or to say, “I MADE THIS!” To pause, only to hear back: “I think I can, too!”
I’m resolving to make the time to share. To stop feeling like I haven’t “earned” writing on my personal blog because I “should” be doing more freelance work, or cleaning, or taking care of everyone else first. This is the one space that is completely mine, and I do it for me.
In other words: Hi, I’m back. I have so much to share.
Another One Room Challenge from Calling it Home this week! To keep you up to speed, here’s the first week, the third week, and last week‘s posts.
This is the last update post before the big reveal this upcoming Wednesday, and I definitely was feeling the pressure of a nearing deadline. On Wednesday, I used wood stain to give the inexpensive baskets I bought a more cohesive look.
The above lighting isn’t the best, but you catch my drift.
Thursday looked like this all day:
And I eventually added all of the sewing and trim that I wanted to add to that shower curtain.
This is only my second sewing machine project, my first being Tobias’ Elvis halloween costume, and I was really proud of the results. Even though it was very simple, it makes a big difference to me!
The wallpaper finally arrived in the mail this week, which is really good because there were other things I was having to hold off on doing until I had installed it. It’s going to make a world of difference!
Here’s where we are now…
My One Room Challenge List:
See y’all on Wednesday!
Yesterday, the students and teachers at my son’s elementary school celebrated Dr. Suess’ birthday by dressing up as their favorite book character. Tobias has been pretty obsessed with Harry Potter since we began reading the books every evening, (we’re on book three, no spoilers, please!) so his choice was obvious from the get-go.
It all started with a hula hoop.
Remember the blog post about making woven art with a hula hoop? I had that piece hanging above my couch for all of these months, but there was one thing that was bugging me nonstop: the scale.
It wasn’t big enough for the space. I’ve been studying styling small spaces for quite some time, and during that time, I’ve learned that larger scale items in a room, assuming they aren’t crowding it, make it seem less cluttered and larger. So that child-sized hula hoop wasn’t going to cut it.
I eventually found an adult sized hoop, and even wrapped the outside in yarn before second guessing going forward. The nearly-begun project sat in my basement for a month or so, before I saw this guy:
Well, not with the artwork on it. This frame, originally gold, was found at a thrift store. On their once-a-season half price day, I snatched it up along with the most hideous beginner oil painting of a swan one has ever seen in it. Seriously–it was dreadful. Surely it lowered the cost of the high quality frame it was in, so THANKS :).
After painting it and stapling chicken wire to the back, I used it to display Tobias’ ever-revolving artwork at our first house. Lacking a hallway, and frankly, any unclaimed wall, it was in T’s room before I made that over, later finding its home in the basement, right next to the hula hoop.
So, one could almost say that this project found me.
And it was simple enough!
The first portion of this project was far more time consuming than this was. It didn’t take long at all, and I think it’s 1000 times better now that it’s finished!
After the first presidential debate, I started to realize that Facebook no longer felt like a safe space for sharing or reading what others had to share. It went from a place where I would congratulate people on their daily accomplishments, compliment their dress/baby/whatever, and give suggestions to those who were crowd sourcing to a place where the news I was already reading was being littered with people’s opinions, misinformation was being shared far too often, and I was experiencing an echo chamber of what was going on in the race that I was already upset about.
So faster than you can say “pussygate,” I signed off.
Plenty of “Facebook-worthy” things happened in the time frame: Continue reading
In late October, one of my closest friends came to visit. Being my first fall living in New England, and she being the friend I discovered my love for hiking with, I thought we should go on a road trip, hike, and enjoy the fall foliage that New England has to offer. Plus, it seemed like it was the prime time of autumn to do so.
Through my research, I found this killer fall foliage tour through New England. I also learned there was a name for the likes of us: leaf peepers. No shame.
Unfortunately, she wouldn’t be up here for long enough to take the tour suggested. Then, Tobias took up baseball, and with only a family car we were faced with him either missing his last two games or us staying more local. I had read a ton prior about Kent, Litchfield County, and about how this is the area in which the Appalachian trail goes through Connecticut. Sold. Continue reading
Carrying on from Elvis’ jumpsuit costume DIY from Halloween 2016, you’ll need to do a few more things. Continue reading
Last week, I celebrated six months of living 1,690 miles from what I’ve known most of my life.
I use the term celebrated loosely. What really happened was that I started crying over something completely minuscule right after my son got on the bus, and minor setbacks throughout the day had me crying all.day.long.. Around 1 p.m. was when I realized it was actually the six month mark, so I can’t say it had anything to do with it. Upsets carried on into the next day, as well as my crying.
I knew this was going to be hard.
I knew that growing pains occur with all change–that’s just how it is. But, still, I don’t think I was ready for this. Continue reading
This morning I delivered some cookies to Tobias’ school for a Cinco de Mayo themed Teacher Appreciation Luncheon and they were just too cute not to share!
